This one is too easy.

It is simply the physical laws of physics at work again!

Isaac Newton (a 17th century scientist) put forth a variety of laws which will explain why when sitting on your scooter your asshole does not open enough to emit your gastric charges. These three laws have become known as Newton's three laws of motion.

**Newton's first law of motion**

Sometimes referred to as the law of inertia is stated as: An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced force.

In pursuit of an answer, we will first consider your asshole on the scooter seat. There are two forces acting upon your asshole. One force - the Earth's gravitational pull - exerts a downward force. The other force - the push of the seat on your asshole (sometimes referred to as a normal force) - pushes upward on your asshole. Since these two forces are of equal magnitude and in opposite directions, they balance each other. The asshole is said to be at *equilibrium*. There is no unbalanced force acting upon the asshole and thus the asshole maintains its state of motionâ€¦closed.

**Newton's Second Law**

According to Newton, your asshole will only open if there is a net or unbalanced force acting upon it. The presence of an unbalanced force will accelerate an object, changing either its speed, its direction, or both its speed and direction â€“ in this instance open your asshole.

Newton's second law of motion pertains to the behavior of objects for which all existing forces are not balanced. The second law states that opening the asshole is dependent upon two variables - the net force acting upon the asshole and the mass of the ass. The opening of the asshole depends directly upon the net force acting upon the asshole, and inversely upon the mass of the ass. As the force acting upon the asshole is increased, the opening of the asshole is increased. As the mass of the ass is increased, the opening of the asshole is decreased.

**Newton's Third Law**

According to Newton, whenever objects A and B interact with each other, they exert forces upon each other. When you sit on your scooter, your asshole exerts a downward force on the scooter and the scooter exerts an upward force on your asshole. There are two forces resulting from this interaction - a force on the scooter and a force on your asshole. These two forces are called action and reaction forces and are the subject of Newton's third law of motion. Formally stated, Newton's third law is: For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Now we simply need to determine how much thrust your fart would need to generate in order to sneak out of the corn crib.

A simple propulsion test is conceptually no different than standing on a bathroom scale and measuring how much you weigh, or how much force you exert standing on the surface of the Earth. Let's say 180 lb. The force is measured in static pounds, or newtons (N), of force.

1 hp is defined as being equal to 550 ft-lb/s. In other words, 60 ft-lb/s is equivalent to 0.11 hp. Basically, we can say that a force of 180 lb (800N) converts to 0.11 hp which should provide enough unbalanced force to open the asshole while sitting on it.

Simple problems, simple answers,

Dr. Stupid