I was told, 'don't eat anything you can't lift'
Is this true?
Dear
K9 Toboggan,
To your subject of investigation “Don’t eat anything you can’t lift…”
I would respond…At least not in one sitting. I may not be able to lift the Vienna Boys Choir, but given enough time and ranch dressing…?
To help you along the journey of life, here’s a few more overlooked rules to live by:
Always serve Nyquil with red meat, Dayquil with chicken or fish.
Never start a sentence with “So I was reading in Westword…”
Never take the Lions and the points unless Christians are involved.
Never pull my uncle’s finger.
Always cut along the vein, not across.
Never loan Ted Kennedy your car.
Never launch a bottle rocket from your asshole (don’t ask, just trust me on this one).
Never loan Ted Kennedy your boat.
Never buy a used Honda Metropolitan for $3500.
Never walk into a pet store with golf clubs and ask for a “bucket of hamsters”.
Most importantly, never ask Tbonestone if you can borrow his tent.
Your guiding light,
Dr. Stupid